She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
