I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Pants are for mortals
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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