just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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