someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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