He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
