Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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