Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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