.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
