I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
