oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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