i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
