i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
