Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
