his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
