YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
