I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I am naked and annoyed.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
