If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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