she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
