Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
