After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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