Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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