my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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