apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
