id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
They should really pass out barf bags in church
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
