no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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