Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
