Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
