my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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