Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
