I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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