i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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