ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
