You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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