Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
