My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
false alarm, still single
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