Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
