Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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