Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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