To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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