I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
