first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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