I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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