I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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