C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Sponge bath it is.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
