take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
