I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
