If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's blow job season.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
