He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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