Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
