Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
