I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
