I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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