we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
This can only be settled by a dance off.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
