she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
